Edward and the Tree
by lollizuu
Summary: Hahaha...lol...so..giggle giggle...Edward comes back from a hunting trip...and...hahaha...you'll find out the rest when you read it...lol


**CHAPTER 1**

So I was running home from my solo hunting trip. I was ecstatic to see Bella Swan, the love of my existence again. We were madly in love. The house was in view and I sped up.

All of a sudden, WHAM! Something hit me and I went tumbling to the ground, along with whatever hit me. It was when I was laying flat on my back that I realized that Bella was laying on top of me and trying to lick my nose. I was so surprised to see her there that I almost licked her nose back. Then a question came to my mind- How did she get beside me?

"Bella, what are you doing? And why are you licking my nose?"

"I missed you so much Eddie! When I saw you from the window, my body sort of took over. I jumped right through the window. Luckily, it happened to be open. It would have been okay, but them my foot hit the glass and it shattered to the ground, but I hit my target anyway. I hit you square in the chest. It was awesome? I thought you would be mad at me though because I broke your window. I thought that if I licked your nose, you would forgive me. So, yeah. That's my story. What's yours? How was hunting?"

"Uhhh, Bella. You are the most dangerous creature I have ever met. Wow! Wow. Wow…. Well, hunting was good. I missed you though. But that is not important now. What is more important is you and me. Now, I am going to lick your nose. Then we can roll around. Sounds great!!!!!!!"

"Edward, aren't you going a little overboard?"

"I thought I was supposed to be the careful one."

"Oh yeah. Sounds great!!!!! I changed my mind! I love your idea. Let's roll around and lick each other's noses. I think we should lick each other's elbow's too. It's only fair."

I gave a nervous chuckle, "All right. Huh huh. Hug for all!"

I went over to a tree and put my arms around that hot piece of-

"EDWARD!!!! That is a tree. That is not me!!! Eddie? I am over here! EDDIE! Don't do that! Eddie?" Bella shrieked! I paid her little attention though as I kissed the tree on its leaves. Hmmm. It tasted like blackberries. I think at least… Pretty much all human food tasted like dirt to me, but this struck my memory of being a human. I don't know why I was so attached to this tree. What was happening to me??? I slowly pried my hands…and every other part of my body from the tree. I turned to Bella, who was fuming a few yards from me.

"Sorry Bella." I said sheepishly

"What are you thinking? Why are you kissing trees? I am over here. Remember me, yea, I am the person you fell in love with. I thought we were just going to roll around in the yard and you…" she made a disgusted sound, "you go over and start making out with this tree. Ugh. Why? Just tell me why?"

"I don't know why. I was just pulled towards it. Wait, be quiet. I think I hear someone's thoughts.

"_Hahaha! Itricked you. I know you are reading my thoughts right now. I just thought it would be funny to play a little prank on you too. You know, how I can manipulate feelings. Yeah! Ha! I made you in love with a tree. HAHAHA! What a classic. I've gotta go tell the others. Emmett will bug you about it forever. Ha! I rock! Ha! I am so awesome! Tell Bella sorry for me, but I am NOT sorry to you! HA! See you later!" _Jasper thought.

"I hate Jasper as of now."

"What! Edward?" Bella asked, forgetting all about the incident that happened moments before. "Are you okay? What did Jasper do? Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

"I am fine, but Jasper won't be once I am finished with-"

"Edward! You are not to hurt Jasper! I forbid you to. Now, what did Jasper do? What could be so bad?"

"Well. You know the whole kissing the tree thing, well, Jasper did it. Jasper made me fall in love with a tree. He manipulated my feeling so I had them towards the tree instead of you" I fumed.

Bella burst out laughing, "So….he….made….you….fall…in…love…with…a…tree…ahaha….what…a…classic…he…is….so….funny!!!!" She managed to choke out between her laughter.

**THE END**


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